Dating Violence Amongst Teen Should Not Be Overlooked

abusers

Statistics show that one in three teenagers has experienced dating violence. Teenage partner abuse comes in many forms, such as physical battery, emotional abuse, sexual abuse and date rape. Often, much violence takes place with unmarried cohabitants or couples, with the majority of the abuse taking place in one of the partner's own homes. The insidious nature of these crimes is that manipulation keeps many victims silent, self-denial keeps many perpetrators repeatedly offending and fear of the unknown keeps many abusive relationships thriving.

Once you've "been through so much," where do you draw the line on dating violence and say "enough is enough?" Over time, as patterns emerge, it's natural for one to lose sight of reality. It seems like "everyone fights" or is involved in some drama, yet that doesn't make it ok. You do not ever have to be someone's physical or emotional punching bag. There are so many other possible partners out there, don't think you have to settle, especially so young. If your partner shoves, slaps, hits or punches you, then get out! If you fear bringing up certain topics, feel you're walking on egg shells or that you're a prisoner in your own home and suspect he's listening in on your phone calls, then escape while you still can! If he's accusing you of cheating, giving you "the look," calling you disparaging names or shouting at you, then remember that you don't have to put up with his abuse.

Perhaps you're a concerned parent who suspects your teen may be a victim of dating violence. Generally, parents have a sense about abusive characters as soon as they come around, so be vigilant about your instincts. If the teenager avoids coming around your house, tries to isolate your daughter from her friends, avoids eye contact or doesn't appear friendly at all, then you have reason to be suspicious. Watch for signs of physical injury with stories that don't match up with the marks. If your daughter skips school, suffers failing grades, begins using alcohol or drugs and begins acting differently, then she may be a victim of abuse. Emotional outbursts can signal emotional dependency, as the abused wishes to spend every waking moment with their abuser. As a parent, you do not need to confront your teen alone. Seeking an intervention through one of the hotlines may be your best recourse.

In case you haven't figured it out by now, dating violence perpetrators tell lies aimed at manipulating and controlling their partner. In most cases, the perpetrators even lie to themselves. Learning to recognize their tactics and techniques for controlling you can help you deal with the situation and move on. For example, if he claims that you "just don't understand him," or argues that you "just push his buttons," then these are statements that blame, in hopes that you'll stay with him out of guilt. If he tells you he "had a bad childhood," "just gets angry when he drinks or uses drugs," "has anger management problems" or "has a lot of stress right now," then these are excuses, evidence of self-denial and attempts to trick you into feeling sympathetic, even though his behaviors are completely controllable. He may try to say that yelling or smashing things is "his release," but these abusive behaviors just aren't normal.